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The Sock Monkey Rides a Hog!!!

Now that’s one bad ass monkey! At least now we know who win in a fight between him and Curious George. #BestBikeMaskEver #BadMonkey #JiffyFeet #RearviewMonkey Photo: Lonnie – Atlantic Beach Fl.

Jiffy Feet Crew Featured in Void Magazine!

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HUSTLE AND FLOW – The Unspoken Etiquette of Garage Sales

It may come as no surprise to some of you that Das Crobar and Myself (Lonnie Lonnington) are quite the avid Garage / Yard Sailors and have been for some time now. In fact, you might say we are some sort of experts on the matters, or at least our buddies over at voidlive.com think so. They wanted to write an article in their magazine about it and lucky for them they knew exactly who to turn to… The one and only Jiffy Feet Crew. Well also lucky for them we plan to write a book one day about the unspoken etiquette behind the so called picking phenomenon that is sweeping the nation and we had already put together a few clif notes on the matters for all you out there who have never sailed the open sea that is a strangers front yard, driveway or garage. So pick up the mag which is available just about anywhere in North Florida and or surf the web on over here and read our Uncut and Unfortunately Unedited Version which is rife with misspellings but funnier than a donkey on roller skates. Oh and by the way, it just also happens to be the swimsuit issue as well so we won’t blame you if you blow right past our article and go straight to that first. – Lonnie

Click here to read our version of HUSTLE AND FLOW – The Unspoken Etiquette of Garage Sales

Garage / Yard Sale Tips and Etiquette!

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Hustle and Flow – The Unspoken Etiquette of Garage Sales.

Written by Lonnie Lonnington and Das Crobar of the JIFFYFEET Crew!

INTRODUCTION

Whether you call it a Garage Sale, Yard Sale, or Something else entirely… the same holds true, they all add up to a bunch of junk piled up somewhere at your house ready for rummaging! The only hard evidence we have found is that store bought signs usually say GARAGE and the hand made signs typically say YARD because it’s less and easier to spell, but we’ve sent that go wrong too. Some say Garage vs Yard Sale is a city vs country thing and some say one means nicer stuff than the other, but in then end… whether it’s actually in the garage, driveway or spread across the front lawn… we’re still going to them all!

THE FLOW

How to have a successful sale and move one step further from being on Hoarders.

THE SIGNAGE

Whether your using poster board, recycled cardboard, or a stolen political sign with paper taped over it…
Make it BIG, BRIGHT, and BOLD!!! no body can read a pen or fine tip sharpie at 25 mph from 50ft away.

Pretend your a 12 year old girl at a Justice Beaver Concert who thinks that if he could just read your sign from nosebleed you might actually have a chance with him.

Keep the party going, if you live in a deep deep neighborhood of never ending streets and cul-de-sacs make as many directional arrows at every intersection  possible, And have a sense of humor about it and write some words of encouragement like ”Almost there” “Just Keep Going” and “Were glad your came”!!!

Remember that Garage Sailors are on the clock, we only have from roughly 8am to 1pm to get to as many garage sales as possible. Bad signage can and will lead to having your signs either stolen, smashed, or kicked to bits in a fit of rage… trust me I’ve seen it.

NEGOTIATING

Whether you love it or hate, it’s a garage sale and it’s going to happen so don’t get pissed when someone offers you a couple of dollars less for your old microwave as it lays in your oil stained driveway. Set a fair price initially with the idea in mind that you might have to take a little less to make it go away and everyone wins. Trust me, you don’t want to end up trying to sell this stuff on online. Sentiment has no value at a garage sale.

ADVERTISE EVERYWHERE!!!

The #1 place to advertise your garage sale is on craigslist. Smartphone Apps like Yard Sale Mapper & iGarage Sale pull the posting into a google maps like platform that lets you see where it is and what is there. The only downside is your have to put your address on craigslist but if you have a neighbor you can’t stand just use his, it’s close enough. But do everyone a favor, if you cancel the sale cancel the posting or consider yourself a target for disgruntled Sailors with a surplus of useless junk they got from the sales that actually happened.

Utilize social media to post pics of your junk on Facebook, Instagram, and twitter… and we’re not talking about dick picks Richard. Newspapers still work as well, but most are paid services and nobody wants that. lastly make as many signs as you can and put them at every intersection, street, and light within a two mike radius of you house. And if all else fails try carrier pigeon or trained foxes to spread the word.

Be creative, funny, and descript with your posting… use titles like “Garage Sale Got Back” or “Nice Nice Baby… Stuff”

STACK IT AND THEY WILL COME!

If you don’t have enough stuff to at least fill your driveway or front yard, then don’t have one. Or group up with the neighbors or invite friends and family. the more stuff you have the better. Garage Sailing is like a shark feeding frenzy… we can smell the blood in the water from miles away!

HAVE PUNCH AND PIE!

Having a garage sale is the perfect time to have a lemonade stand or baked goods ready to sell. you’ll make a couple extra bucks and teach your child or the neighbors kid some street skills. And people tend to buy more stuff on a full bloodstream of sugar.

MO MONEY MO JUNK!

Be prepared to make it rain and sprinkle. Have lots of ones and even some rolls of quarters. the bottom line today is pretty much a dollar but you may run into some old timer who still thinks a nickel will get you a soda pop so honor the senior citizen discount and respect your elders… they invented the garage sale game.

THE HUSTLE

Buy Low, Sell High, or keep it all. Garage Sailing isn’t just about finds… it’s about the Journey!

KNOW THE CODE

Picking is an art amongst the most manliest of men and wealthiest of women. Dress to kill, as in you don’t want blood on your best outfit. The more baller you look the more dollars you will pay… also known as the Beverly Hills Shakedown!

Know what your buying and who you are buying from, even if you really don’t. Knowledge is power and half the time the seller doesn’t even know what they have. And if they do find the flaws, if its scratched or damaged it should be cheaper!

Bond with the seller, they have their whole life out in the yard for the whole world to see. It’s like a life resume. even if your buying something different, finding a common bond will save you money in the end and you might even become friends… Maybe.

HAGGLING

If the items are marked, then your job is easy. the seller will most likely settle for 25% to even 50% off that price depending on the time of day. If there is no price, and they say make an offer don’t. You run the risk of insulting them then and its over. Either ask again or just stand there in silence and contemplate what you are willing to pay, they will most likely throw out a number eventually. if its less then pay and run. if its more then commence haggling but be prepared to die. Haggling is like Martial Arts of the mouth, once the fight has started its to the death.

BUNDLE UP.

It may be hot and humid outside but garage sailing can be straight cold blooded! Take what you can and give nothing back, that’s the Garage / Yard Sailors way. Pirates we be on the open sea in search of treasures and trinkets. Find as many things as you can, make a pile and make an offer. The seller sees more stuff leaving and more money coming. Even if you don’t want half of it im sure your crazy Aunt Wanda has a birthday or something coming up soon… where in a recession people!

MAKE IT SPRINKLE.

Bring lots of ones and change… it never looks good to be haggling over a dollar or 50 cents only to pay with a $5 in the end. it will piss the seller off and possibly effect the sale of the next thing you might find! And make sure when you go to your bank to find a way to bring up garage sailing in casual conversation, or else they might just assume your going to the strip club and then your “That Guy”.

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SNATCH & GRAB

If you think there’s even a small chance that you might want an item, grab it and hold onto it. once you set it back down its fair game. I’ve seen grown women fist fight over a a scratched up Shania Twain cd. Also you could bring a buggy, it’s not stealing if u have it back to target by sundown.

FRIEND OR FOE?

Bringing a friend can be tricky or a treat. As long as you both like different items but know what each other likes, two people can cover more ground and faster, and be very helpful for loading up that giant old dresser you think you will refinish on the balcony of your tiny apartment. But bringing a friend with the same tastes can end in death. no one wants to get shanked with some rusty silverware over a unicorn painting.


Stay tuned for more funny pics and southern fried awesomeness! Full book release coming soon!

ARM & WIPER – The Creeper Cleaner

When buying a new wiper blade is just too much… grab a used gardening glove and a couple of hose clamps you got laying around and make if happen! RainX ain’t got nothing on pure human hand sweat. This also doubles as a way to wave off would be tailgaters as well in a super creepy “OJ’s Missing Glove” kind of way. If only this was a white Ford Bronco instead of an explorer. Photo: Lonnie Lonnington – Neptune Beach

The Legend of SUPERCAT!!!



The Legend of SUPERCAT!!!, originally uploaded by jiffyfeet.

Deep within Mayport Florida, there lives a super hero with nine-lives who fears no man or mouse and can only be seen by the light of the day, riding shotgun out of the drivers side window of his faithful sidekicks Buick LeSabre just hoping to catch the next villain or at the very least a breeze in his face. His red bandana cape wipes the sweat from his whiskers and sends fear into the eyes of all who cross his path… he is SUPERCAT!!! Photo: Lonnie Lonnington – Mayport

Little Red Riding Hurt!



Little Red Riding Hurt!, originally uploaded by jiffyfeet.

Looks like the Big Bad Wolf is riding bitch! I would love to know where this guy had to go so badly that he agreed to get in the hatch back window seat of an old Mazda RX7 rice rocket instead of taking the bus, walking or riding a bike. I literally watched that "Worn Out Hydraulic" window beat the heck out of his head for at least a mile. This dude was one good pot hole away from getting ejected, cause you know there ain’t no seatbelt back there, haha. Hope you made it to your destination buddy, put an ice pack on the back of that head to keep the swelling to a minimum. Photo: Lonnie Lonnington – Atlantic Beach, Fl

Side Car Sammy & The Chocolate Chariot



Side Car Sammy & The Dog Chariot, originally uploaded by jiffyfeet.


Side Car Sammy & The Dog Chariot, originally uploaded by jiffyfeet.

I’ve been trying to get video or a photo of these guys for years. The previous setup was much more “Roman Chariot” like in that the dog’s only option was to sit up so when they took curves he would lean with it which was awesome. But now Sir Sammy has a much more Cadillac Style Sidecar which looks much more comfortable. How awesome is this. I’m a cat person my self but seeing this makes me want a dog and a scooter. God Speed Fella’s… God Speed! (I’m not sure what the dog’s actually name is but if he has a middle name I bet its spelled A-W-E-S-O-M-E) Photo: Lonnie AB

Mayport American Made!



Mayport American Made!, originally uploaded by jiffyfeet.

Just imagine seeing this guy go by on the street to the soundtrack of “I am a real American” from hulk hogans wrestling days! This Double Decker bike takes cake not only because of all the American Flag flare (5 Count) but for shear imagination. The boogie board doubles as a luggage rack and surf rider when parked at the beach. The two backpacks that are used for storage and as some kind of weight pulley system to hold down the boogie board. The front basket with extra American flag pouch and hell yeah, if you approaching 50 and riding a double decker bike through Mayport… you gotta ride shirt open in the front to catch a breeze during the summer heat. and he had an ipod of some kind. I bet it was playing “back in the high life again” by Steve winnowed – Photo Lonnie, Mayport Rd.

Jets are Hot… Drugs are Not!





Jets are Hot… Drugs are Not!, originally uploaded by jiffyfeet.

This is the bus you get take to school if you live on International Speedway Drive in Daytona! Wake Up Late & get to school early. Something tells me the Ghost of Dale #3 is driving this thing! Remember Kids… Jets are Hot, Drugs are Not! Photo: Lonnie Daytona Beach I-95

The Jeep Morrison 4×4

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These Guys must be the biggest Jim Morrison fans ever because they definitely Broke on through to the other side! What can I say… People are Strange! I know one thing, when they are riding through the storm they are gonna be wishing they had THE DOORS! Photo: Lonnie