Hustle and Flow – The Unspoken Etiquette of Garage Sales.
Written by Lonnie Lonnington and Das Crobar of the JIFFYFEET Crew!
Whether you call it a Garage Sale, Yard Sale, or Something else entirely… the same holds true, they all add up to a bunch of junk piled up somewhere at your house ready for rummaging! The only hard evidence we have found is that store bought signs usually say GARAGE and the hand made signs typically say YARD because it’s less and easier to spell, but we’ve sent that go wrong too. Some say Garage vs Yard Sale is a city vs country thing and some say one means nicer stuff than the other, but in then end… whether it’s actually in the garage, driveway or spread across the front lawn… we’re still going to them all!
How to have a successful sale and move one step further from being on Hoarders.
Whether your using poster board, recycled cardboard, or a stolen political sign with paper taped over it…
Make it BIG, BRIGHT, and BOLD!!! no body can read a pen or fine tip sharpie at 25 mph from 50ft away.
Pretend your a 12 year old girl at a Justice Beaver Concert who thinks that if he could just read your sign from nosebleed you might actually have a chance with him.
Keep the party going, if you live in a deep deep neighborhood of never ending streets and cul-de-sacs make as many directional arrows at every intersection possible, And have a sense of humor about it and write some words of encouragement like ”Almost there” “Just Keep Going” and “Were glad your came”!!!
Remember that Garage Sailors are on the clock, we only have from roughly 8am to 1pm to get to as many garage sales as possible. Bad signage can and will lead to having your signs either stolen, smashed, or kicked to bits in a fit of rage… trust me I’ve seen it.
Whether you love it or hate, it’s a garage sale and it’s going to happen so don’t get pissed when someone offers you a couple of dollars less for your old microwave as it lays in your oil stained driveway. Set a fair price initially with the idea in mind that you might have to take a little less to make it go away and everyone wins. Trust me, you don’t want to end up trying to sell this stuff on online. Sentiment has no value at a garage sale.
The #1 place to advertise your garage sale is on craigslist. Smartphone Apps like Yard Sale Mapper & iGarage Sale pull the posting into a google maps like platform that lets you see where it is and what is there. The only downside is your have to put your address on craigslist but if you have a neighbor you can’t stand just use his, it’s close enough. But do everyone a favor, if you cancel the sale cancel the posting or consider yourself a target for disgruntled Sailors with a surplus of useless junk they got from the sales that actually happened.
Utilize social media to post pics of your junk on Facebook, Instagram, and twitter… and we’re not talking about dick picks Richard. Newspapers still work as well, but most are paid services and nobody wants that. lastly make as many signs as you can and put them at every intersection, street, and light within a two mike radius of you house. And if all else fails try carrier pigeon or trained foxes to spread the word.
Be creative, funny, and descript with your posting… use titles like “Garage Sale Got Back” or “Nice Nice Baby… Stuff”
STACK IT AND THEY WILL COME!
If you don’t have enough stuff to at least fill your driveway or front yard, then don’t have one. Or group up with the neighbors or invite friends and family. the more stuff you have the better. Garage Sailing is like a shark feeding frenzy… we can smell the blood in the water from miles away!
HAVE PUNCH AND PIE!
Having a garage sale is the perfect time to have a lemonade stand or baked goods ready to sell. you’ll make a couple extra bucks and teach your child or the neighbors kid some street skills. And people tend to buy more stuff on a full bloodstream of sugar.
MO MONEY MO JUNK!
Be prepared to make it rain and sprinkle. Have lots of ones and even some rolls of quarters. the bottom line today is pretty much a dollar but you may run into some old timer who still thinks a nickel will get you a soda pop so honor the senior citizen discount and respect your elders… they invented the garage sale game.
Buy Low, Sell High, or keep it all. Garage Sailing isn’t just about finds… it’s about the Journey!
KNOW THE CODE
Picking is an art amongst the most manliest of men and wealthiest of women. Dress to kill, as in you don’t want blood on your best outfit. The more baller you look the more dollars you will pay… also known as the Beverly Hills Shakedown!
Know what your buying and who you are buying from, even if you really don’t. Knowledge is power and half the time the seller doesn’t even know what they have. And if they do find the flaws, if its scratched or damaged it should be cheaper!
Bond with the seller, they have their whole life out in the yard for the whole world to see. It’s like a life resume. even if your buying something different, finding a common bond will save you money in the end and you might even become friends… Maybe.
If the items are marked, then your job is easy. the seller will most likely settle for 25% to even 50% off that price depending on the time of day. If there is no price, and they say make an offer don’t. You run the risk of insulting them then and its over. Either ask again or just stand there in silence and contemplate what you are willing to pay, they will most likely throw out a number eventually. if its less then pay and run. if its more then commence haggling but be prepared to die. Haggling is like Martial Arts of the mouth, once the fight has started its to the death.
It may be hot and humid outside but garage sailing can be straight cold blooded! Take what you can and give nothing back, that’s the Garage / Yard Sailors way. Pirates we be on the open sea in search of treasures and trinkets. Find as many things as you can, make a pile and make an offer. The seller sees more stuff leaving and more money coming. Even if you don’t want half of it im sure your crazy Aunt Wanda has a birthday or something coming up soon… where in a recession people!
MAKE IT SPRINKLE.
Bring lots of ones and change… it never looks good to be haggling over a dollar or 50 cents only to pay with a $5 in the end. it will piss the seller off and possibly effect the sale of the next thing you might find! And make sure when you go to your bank to find a way to bring up garage sailing in casual conversation, or else they might just assume your going to the strip club and then your “That Guy”.
SNATCH & GRAB
If you think there’s even a small chance that you might want an item, grab it and hold onto it. once you set it back down its fair game. I’ve seen grown women fist fight over a a scratched up Shania Twain cd. Also you could bring a buggy, it’s not stealing if u have it back to target by sundown.
FRIEND OR FOE?
Bringing a friend can be tricky or a treat. As long as you both like different items but know what each other likes, two people can cover more ground and faster, and be very helpful for loading up that giant old dresser you think you will refinish on the balcony of your tiny apartment. But bringing a friend with the same tastes can end in death. no one wants to get shanked with some rusty silverware over a unicorn painting.
Stay tuned for more funny pics and southern fried awesomeness! Full book release coming soon!