Our Video of this no-named Street Dancer / Pizza Maker / Sign flipper Guy we’re callin “Lil Seizure” captures his resume 100%. Too bad We stopped filming just before the Moonwalk-to-Backflip Grand Finale. And if you couldn’t tell from the grass less patch of dirt, this guy like it Deep Ditch Style. Just Watch and Enjoy… Filmed by Das Crobar Himself. If you would like to try and catch this guy live he dances up a dirt storm on the north corner of Penman and Atlantic Blvd. CRUNK CRUNK GET IT GET IT PIZZA PIZZA!!!
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HUSTLE AND FLOW – The Unspoken Etiquette of Garage Sales
It may come as no surprise to some of you that Das Crobar and Myself (Lonnie Lonnington) are quite the avid Garage / Yard Sailors and have been for some time now. In fact, you might say we are some sort of experts on the matters, or at least our buddies over at voidlive.com think so. They wanted to write an article in their magazine about it and lucky for them they knew exactly who to turn to… The one and only Jiffy Feet Crew. Well also lucky for them we plan to write a book one day about the unspoken etiquette behind the so called picking phenomenon that is sweeping the nation and we had already put together a few clif notes on the matters for all you out there who have never sailed the open sea that is a strangers front yard, driveway or garage. So pick up the mag which is available just about anywhere in North Florida and or surf the web on over here and read our Uncut and Unfortunately Unedited Version which is rife with misspellings but funnier than a donkey on roller skates. Oh and by the way, it just also happens to be the swimsuit issue as well so we won’t blame you if you blow right past our article and go straight to that first. – Lonnie
Click here to read our version of HUSTLE AND FLOW – The Unspoken Etiquette of Garage Sales
Hustle and Flow – The Unspoken Etiquette of Garage Sales.
Written by Lonnie Lonnington and Das Crobar of the JIFFYFEET Crew!
Whether you call it a Garage Sale, Yard Sale, or Something else entirely… the same holds true, they all add up to a bunch of junk piled up somewhere at your house ready for rummaging! The only hard evidence we have found is that store bought signs usually say GARAGE and the hand made signs typically say YARD because it’s less and easier to spell, but we’ve sent that go wrong too. Some say Garage vs Yard Sale is a city vs country thing and some say one means nicer stuff than the other, but in then end… whether it’s actually in the garage, driveway or spread across the front lawn… we’re still going to them all!
- THE CODE
- BUNDLE UP
- MAKE IT SPRINKLE
- SNATCH & GRAB
- FRIEND OR FOE
How to have a successful sale and move one step further from being on Hoarders.
Whether your using poster board, recycled cardboard, or a stolen political sign with paper taped over it…
Make it BIG, BRIGHT, and BOLD!!! no body can read a pen or fine tip sharpie at 25 mph from 50ft away.
Pretend your a 12 year old girl at a Justice Beaver Concert who thinks that if he could just read your sign from nosebleed you might actually have a chance with him.
Keep the party going, if you live in a deep deep neighborhood of never ending streets and cul-de-sacs make as many directional arrows at every intersection possible, And have a sense of humor about it and write some words of encouragement like ”Almost there” “Just Keep Going” and “Were glad your came”!!!
Remember that Garage Sailors are on the clock, we only have from roughly 8am to 1pm to get to as many garage sales as possible. Bad signage can and will lead to having your signs either stolen, smashed, or kicked to bits in a fit of rage… trust me I’ve seen it.
Whether you love it or hate, it’s a garage sale and it’s going to happen so don’t get pissed when someone offers you a couple of dollars less for your old microwave as it lays in your oil stained driveway. Set a fair price initially with the idea in mind that you might have to take a little less to make it go away and everyone wins. Trust me, you don’t want to end up trying to sell this stuff on online. Sentiment has no value at a garage sale.
The #1 place to advertise your garage sale is on craigslist. Smartphone Apps like Yard Sale Mapper & iGarage Sale pull the posting into a google maps like platform that lets you see where it is and what is there. The only downside is your have to put your address on craigslist but if you have a neighbor you can’t stand just use his, it’s close enough. But do everyone a favor, if you cancel the sale cancel the posting or consider yourself a target for disgruntled Sailors with a surplus of useless junk they got from the sales that actually happened.
Utilize social media to post pics of your junk on Facebook, Instagram, and twitter… and we’re not talking about dick picks Richard. Newspapers still work as well, but most are paid services and nobody wants that. lastly make as many signs as you can and put them at every intersection, street, and light within a two mike radius of you house. And if all else fails try carrier pigeon or trained foxes to spread the word.
Be creative, funny, and descript with your posting… use titles like “Garage Sale Got Back” or “Nice Nice Baby… Stuff”
STACK IT AND THEY WILL COME!
If you don’t have enough stuff to at least fill your driveway or front yard, then don’t have one. Or group up with the neighbors or invite friends and family. the more stuff you have the better. Garage Sailing is like a shark feeding frenzy… we can smell the blood in the water from miles away!
HAVE PUNCH AND PIE!
Having a garage sale is the perfect time to have a lemonade stand or baked goods ready to sell. you’ll make a couple extra bucks and teach your child or the neighbors kid some street skills. And people tend to buy more stuff on a full bloodstream of sugar.
MO MONEY MO JUNK!
Be prepared to make it rain and sprinkle. Have lots of ones and even some rolls of quarters. the bottom line today is pretty much a dollar but you may run into some old timer who still thinks a nickel will get you a soda pop so honor the senior citizen discount and respect your elders… they invented the garage sale game.
Buy Low, Sell High, or keep it all. Garage Sailing isn’t just about finds… it’s about the Journey!
KNOW THE CODE
Picking is an art amongst the most manliest of men and wealthiest of women. Dress to kill, as in you don’t want blood on your best outfit. The more baller you look the more dollars you will pay… also known as the Beverly Hills Shakedown!
Know what your buying and who you are buying from, even if you really don’t. Knowledge is power and half the time the seller doesn’t even know what they have. And if they do find the flaws, if its scratched or damaged it should be cheaper!
Bond with the seller, they have their whole life out in the yard for the whole world to see. It’s like a life resume. even if your buying something different, finding a common bond will save you money in the end and you might even become friends… Maybe.
If the items are marked, then your job is easy. the seller will most likely settle for 25% to even 50% off that price depending on the time of day. If there is no price, and they say make an offer don’t. You run the risk of insulting them then and its over. Either ask again or just stand there in silence and contemplate what you are willing to pay, they will most likely throw out a number eventually. if its less then pay and run. if its more then commence haggling but be prepared to die. Haggling is like Martial Arts of the mouth, once the fight has started its to the death.
It may be hot and humid outside but garage sailing can be straight cold blooded! Take what you can and give nothing back, that’s the Garage / Yard Sailors way. Pirates we be on the open sea in search of treasures and trinkets. Find as many things as you can, make a pile and make an offer. The seller sees more stuff leaving and more money coming. Even if you don’t want half of it im sure your crazy Aunt Wanda has a birthday or something coming up soon… where in a recession people!
MAKE IT SPRINKLE.
Bring lots of ones and change… it never looks good to be haggling over a dollar or 50 cents only to pay with a $5 in the end. it will piss the seller off and possibly effect the sale of the next thing you might find! And make sure when you go to your bank to find a way to bring up garage sailing in casual conversation, or else they might just assume your going to the strip club and then your “That Guy”.
SNATCH & GRAB
If you think there’s even a small chance that you might want an item, grab it and hold onto it. once you set it back down its fair game. I’ve seen grown women fist fight over a a scratched up Shania Twain cd. Also you could bring a buggy, it’s not stealing if u have it back to target by sundown.
FRIEND OR FOE?
Bringing a friend can be tricky or a treat. As long as you both like different items but know what each other likes, two people can cover more ground and faster, and be very helpful for loading up that giant old dresser you think you will refinish on the balcony of your tiny apartment. But bringing a friend with the same tastes can end in death. no one wants to get shanked with some rusty silverware over a unicorn painting.
Stay tuned for more funny pics and southern fried awesomeness! Full book release coming soon!
This guy must be the Mayor of Munchkin land because that is the smallest spare/donut I’ve ever seen. Honestly, it just looks like an awesome way to cover up a big dent, haha. But hey, you never know when you might need an emergency spare pneumatic wheel barrow tire. This guy might save some landscapers job one day! Photo: The Crobar
Times are tough, Gas Prices are rising, & who can afford a work truck payment in this economy? But its Hurricane Season in Florida and People gotta have their roofs fixed. So here’s to you Mr White Tee American Workin Man, for showing the rest of these out of work, sitting on their ass complaining assholes how to get up and Get-R-Done. So get out there and dust off that old Huffy 10 Speed and get to work, cause Gawd Dammit this is AMERICA, and I know that ladder ain’t sitting soft on his shoulder. Photo: The Crobar.
Building pages while we pedal… No seriously we have a small kid under this wooden tee-pee advertisement on a blackberry coding your website right now! And If your worried about how legit we are, just look at this sweater from Nantucket around my neck!!! Seriously, No Contract , No Tricks, No Gimmics! (translation: NO CONTRACT means they are not legally tied to you either so I can take your site down whenever I want. NO TRICKS means you will get the most basic website ever. NO GIMMICS who are you kidding this whole thing is a gimmic, nothing is free.) photo: The Crobar
Cause Really… Who wants to lay in one of them claustrophobic contraptions getting a fake tan when you can get a real one while catching a ride to the mall? Plus the black paint is like a UV Catcher!!!! Photo: The Crobar
Either all the other “Electric” company names were already taken… Or there is one hell of a story behind this name. Cause I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a cat being happy after he stuck his paw in a light socket. And even though I love the play on words effort with the “Our Service Will Shock You”, thats kinda like a Septic Tank Company having a tag line that says “Our Service Stinks” hahaha. Maybe need to rethink that one guys! Photo: The Crobar